What is Proverbs 31 and why is it the bible verse every woman’s ministry, woman’s fellowship, women’s books, and all the saved Jesus-loving bloggers post loud and proud? The virtuous woman, what we are taught to strive for as soon as we fit into a training bra and develop our first crush.

If I had one problem with this bible verse, it wouldn’t be the verse in and of itself, I have no problem with the word of God and believe it to be inerrant, Holy Spirit breathed and true. My problem would be the way this verse is used, as if marriage is the goal, the end all, be all. Marriage is a beautiful gift given to us by the pure grace of God but it is not the ultimate gift given to only those who are ready or those who are extra blessed and Godly. As a matter of fact, the bible says that singleness is reserved for those who have more self-control and will enable more service to God (Thanks Paul!). Singleness is a beautiful gift given to us by the pure grace of God. The misuse of Proverbs 31 produces discontentment, and bitterness sometimes towards God. I have seen women rush to the altar and into marriages because we as women have been made to think that singleness is a “lacking of”, a “God withholding from” and “a punishment”.

What is Proverbs 31?
     Proverbs has been widely thought to have been written by the king, Solomon. Proverbs 31 is a son retelling the lessons his mother taught him. So in theory, this would be Solomon retelling the lessons his mother, Bathsheba taught him about how to marry a good woman. In order for her to ensure that he marries well, he would need to know what a good woman looks like. She defines womanhood for him. A woman, a mother, and a wife defining womanhood. Womanhood is not defined in relation to manhood but to godliness.

     In teaching her son how to marry well, she is teaching her son and other young men who will read this, that THIS is what a good woman looks like. In the wise words of the mother, she defines a good woman by her Godliness. She is being useful and honoring God with what she has. She is amazing and intelligent independent of her husband for the simple fact that she fears the Lord. This is not meant to say, that women should strive to become this woman in order to “be found” as a good wife. This means, that because she is a good, Godly woman, she would make a great wife. Be encouraged, your Godliness and womanhood are not defined by marriage or lack thereof, it is the other way around. Because this woman is Godly, because she is a virtuous woman all on her own, through her fear and respect for YAHWEH, she is found to be a good thing. She will be a “good marry” because of her Godliness. The only thing defining her is her Godliness and virtue. “Wife” may be a facet of her earthly identity but it does not define her, God does. Her identity rests in the Lord, what He has given her, the work He has called her to put her hands to, the dignity with which she lives out that calling, and the love and compassion she uses to serve those around her.

 
     We need to strive for goodness unto the Lord because of our love and respect towards Him and NOT because we want to uphold this facade in order to be found by a man. This woman is seeking to please only the Lord, and in pleasing the Lord this woman is taking care of her husband and children and those within her reach. She is essentially just doing her work, and doing it well. In doing it diligently, she receives praise from her family and those around her. She is not a good woman because she is a good wife. Her duty as a wife is defined by her Godliness, not her ability “to be found”. Be encouraged, Proverbs 31 is about being a good woman who serves the Lord and about how men of God need to be seeking these attributes, instead of beauty and charm if they want to marry well.

     Verse 30 says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised”. This has been my life verse.
And this is why I chose Proverbs 31. I strive to be defined by my fear, respect, service, and love for the Lord. Women should be defined by the Godliness they exude and glean to others. What is important is the work being done to further the kingdom, whether it be teaching young ones in Sunday school, working in full-time ministry, supporting her husband in his work and ministry, leading worship, or teaching the young women the lessons it cost her sweat and tears to learn. And in the process, if that attracts a Godly man, who will join in admiring and praising us as we serve God with what He has given us, then so be it. If not, He is still good and we will be defined by our holiness and not our relationship status.